Question
I have an issue ladies...

Speaking of weight in my wedding dress post. Like I said I quirt smoking almost a year and a half ago. I gained a near 40lbs because of it. I used to be a size 8...And now, Well, I don't wanna talk about it.

because of the drastic weight gain along with weight I inherited some stretch marks as well, on the back of my thighs and on my hips...YUCKY!!!!

Anywho, I have a hard time being infront of Dave naked, or even laying around in bed with my underwear on if the bedroom light is on...I'll do it, but most of the time if I have to get up I tell him "not to look". COME ON!!!! really need to get over that!

I really want to be able to buy some sexy,slinky,stringy,seethroughish thinigie for our honey moon, Buut to be completely honest I don't know if I will be able to get through the "sexy walk" without asking him to close his eyes or "not look". Stupid I know, Sometimes he gets so upset...he says "Are you my fiance and my future wife...Or my friend?" I feel so bad.

What can I do to get over this ladies...It's deffinatly done some damage to our sex life...Were much to young and in love to be having less than sex 3-4times a week...

...Please help

Jayme

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OK Jayme, I had a 10 pound baby, and wasn't skinny to begin with and so I'm left with what some refer to as twin skin only I only had one. It's not pretty at all, and you wanna talk stretch marks, I have so many the nurse in teh hospital thought it was a rash. I HATE my body. I did not let Mike see me naked for over a year I'm talking sex in the dark with my shirt or nightgown on, then he walked in one day when I was getting dressed and I was butt a**naked. He didn't make a disgusted face or look appalled he came over and grabbed my butt and told me he wanted me, all I could think was WTF?

The point is he wasn't seeing all my imperfections that I hate he was just seeing me the women he loved and didn't care. He wanted me irregardless.

So remember Dave loves you and I guarantee he will not stop loving you and wanting you because you have a few extra pounds and some stretch marks. If he does? Then he doesn't deserve you in the first place.

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ok, first off i have no real advice. i read part of your post to rickey (hope you don't mind!) to see if he could offer me a male perspective, and he just said "get over it"... ok, so he was being blunt. but i definitely know sort of what you're going thru b/cs for a very short period of time in my life i lost enough weight to feel pretty good about myself but i still felt fat inside... and other than in front of my sisters, i don't even feel good about being undressed in front of other girls (remember my rant about comparisons!?!?). that being said, i'm going to state the obvious: dave loves you. dave thinks you are sexy. dave wants to have sex w/ you (a lot). dave loves your body. get it? if i can offer you one piece of advice i don't take myslef (bein honest here): bask in his compliments and appreciation. it is such an ego booster if you really THINK about how much he loves your whole person (physical,emotional, etc).
next: i want your body!!! i'd so be happy w/ that right now!!!

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I know that! I know he loves me no matter what! He tells me that all the time...

I guess it's less him more me. It's something I need to get over...

I needed to hear it from someone other than him! Thank-you!!!

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can i hijack your thread for a sed? my identical sis has been bigger than me since college. but the thing that amazes me is she REVELS in her body. she loves her shape and curves (even the extra ones) and she demands from everyone else that same appreciation! i've always been so jealous of her ability to see her imperfections but to be slightly impervious to them. i dunno... seems she exudes sexiness just from her self-confidence, b/cs one notices her attitude first, then her body!!!!

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Originally Posted by clairon13 next: i want your body!!! i'd so be happy w/ that right now!!!

Your man is right, I need to get over it...(I don't mind him reading the post)

I do not want to send the wrong impression...Iam not trying to be one of those girls that knows she's skinny but complains because she's fishing for compliments (not that your implying that) I just don't want to come across that way!

Iam not happy with my body because my whole life I used to be smaller, And I guess when quitting smoking I thought it would be a benefit...I didn't expect to gain weight and have one hell of a time getting it off...

dave does love me, everything about me..I know...I just can't convince myself of it I guess....

Why is it I can stand in the shower with him and be completely content...But no other time....? No isn't that odd?

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Originally Posted by clairon13 can i hijack your thread for a sed? my identical sis has been bigger than me since college. but the thing that amazes me is she REVELS in her body. she loves her shape and curves (even the extra ones) and she demands from everyone else that same appreciation! i've always been so jealous of her ability to see her imperfections but to be slightly impervious to them. i dunno... seems she exudes sexiness just from her self-confidence, b/cs one notices her attitude first, then her body!!!!
Thats an amazing women!!! I wish I could be more like that!

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The shower thing is a bit odd but it may be because the quarters are so close and he can't see all of you at once?

Okay so my final advice is to stand in front of him naked with all the lights on, it will freak you out but if your like me it will help you get over it. And all it will do is make him want you that much more.

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What makes you feel sexy? Find something that you do that makes you feel so awesome and then do that, even if it's by yourself. You need to feel sexy for yourself before you can feel sexy for Dave.

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I know how you feel Jayme. I am the same way but thanks to a very patient and sometimes extremely forthright DH, I am getting better!

Ok, this is funny, I summarized the thread for Chris , without reading any of the posts, and asked him what he thought....I kid you not he said "She's just going to have to get over it"!!!!

He was about to suggest a shower together- that was a turning point for me. Somehow lying down ...you can sort of move and "stage" your bits and pieces!! But standing up...man, are we naked!!!

We are far too hard on ourselves. You either need to try to make peace with how you look now or lose the weight. But that acceptance and confidence comes from the inside not the outside.

Hell, I even run around nekkid in the kitchen sometimes! I never DREAMED I would ever feel comfortable totally naked but Chris has helped me with all this by constantly reassuring me and sometimes, when I'm whining about some part of me or other, he tells me to "Do something about it. Don't just talk about it" So there!!

It's a process! Cut yourself some slack!! Use candles and dim lighting and sexy knickers!!

Hang in there!!

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Originally Posted by DavidsFiance I do not want to send the wrong impression...Iam not trying to be one of those girls that knows she's skinny but complains because she's fishing for compliments (not that your implying that) I just don't want to come across that way!
oh no, i was definitely not implying that at all!!! and i know you're not that b/cs my other sister IS like that!!! she wore a "0" all thru high school, and when she finally got a butt and wore a 2 she freaked. then she slowly moved into a 4 and looks better than ever. and she will literally fish for compliments from me and other sis, knowing the whole time how much we would kill for her body. oooh, it makes me so mad!!! so no, i don't think you're like her at all. i mean i understand about being smaller and not liking where you are now... i'm there, too. i want desperately to be teh size i was when rickey and i first met--that was a realistic and nice weight on me. it was still a double-digit but it was much lower than now!!!! anyway just wanted you to know i didnt think you were skinny and delirious!!!! but i think your figure is lovely in a very "real women have curves" kind of way!!!

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Ok, I know EXACTLY how you feel because I have terrible stretchmarks, too. Mine go as far down as the backs of my knees, so I stopped wearing some of my skirts, shorts, and of course my swimsuit when I got them. I think especially being as young as we are, and seeing all the other college age girls with perfect little bodies makes us feel even worse about stuff like this. It bothers me so badly.

I will say that I finally broke down and wore a swimsuit, so Tom has seen my legs and even though it freaks the hell out of me, he doesn't care. At all. In fact, he saw me in the bathing suit and while I was waiting for him to say "What are all those nasty marks on your legs?", the words out of his mouth were "Man, you have great boobs. I can't wait til we're married."

He totally didn't even notice or care about it!

Think about it, I'm sure Dave has some imperfections, and do you care? Does it make you less attracted to him?

I would imagine the answer is no. And even though it's hard, you've gotta believe that the answer would be the same for him and just go for it.



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I wonder just how many young women do have stretch marks that aren't just related to pregancy??? Cuz, I've got 'em too. Even though I'm skinny as hell, I wonder if mine are from growing UP so fast? I've got 'em on my boobs (when they decided it was time to grow, they REALLY grew - I went from flat to a B cup in less than a year), and I've got them on my belly and hips. No clue why! But they're not so... noticiable. I notice, obviously, but DF hasn't as far as I can tell.

No advice, Jayme babe, but he obviously has no probs with your stretch marks or weight gain - an idea would be to get some choco syurp or your fave flavor and um... play with it? Might help you feel better about your body!

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Originally Posted by clairon13 ok, first off i have no real advice. i read part of your post to rickey (hope you don't mind!) to see if he could offer me a male perspective, and he just said "get over it"... ok, so he was being blunt. but i definitely know sort of what you're going thru b/cs for a very short period of time in my life i lost enough weight to feel pretty good about myself but i still felt fat inside... and other than in front of my sisters, i don't even feel good about being undressed in front of other girls (remember my rant about comparisons!?!?). that being said, i'm going to state the obvious: dave loves you. dave thinks you are sexy. dave wants to have sex w/ you (a lot). dave loves your body. get it? if i can offer you one piece of advice i don't take myslef (bein honest here): bask in his compliments and appreciation. it is such an ego booster if you really THINK about how much he loves your whole person (physical,emotional, etc).
next: i want your body!!! i'd so be happy w/ that right now!!!
Your sister found the key to what we all need to know. I've learned this over the last few years too. I've had 3 kids and although I hate that phrase "You look good for having 3 kids" I do try to suck it in for positive vibes. Sex appeal is a mental issue not a physical one. The largest sex organ in the body is the human brain. This is what helped me because when Jeff and I first got together I was heavier and very insecure. I finally quit looking at myself through my eyes. As a matter of fact, I stopped looking at myself at all. I looked at him and saw the enthusiasm in his eyes and slowly started to see myself in his eyes. Now, even though we are on a bumpy road he still says I'm the sexiest person on the planet. And you know what? I feel that way sometimes...even though I have stretch marks, a huge vein on the front of my leg, a gapped front tooth, an extra roll around the middle, and dark circles that no makeup on earth can cover! The secret is to close your eyes and think about how he sees you. We as women pick ourselves apart and men especially our men are oblivious to what we see. Relax and well, GET OVER IT!

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Well,

I think I needed to hear it from someone else...

Thanks girls! I do need to get over it, It's also so nice to know Iam not the only person out there that shy's away from the "nakedness" I desperatly want it to change..So I need to GET OVER IT, and work on my little bit of a weight loss and become satisfied...

Thanks again!

Your all so amazing!

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Originally Posted by DragonYoga I wonder just how many young women do have stretch marks that aren't just related to pregancy??? Cuz, I've got 'em too. Even though I'm skinny as hell,
I have some too, on the sides of my hips and I weigh 127lbs. I got them when I gained and lost weight pretty quickly in my mid-20's. (Tanning makes them look a lot worse - they stay white while the rest of your skin gets darker.)

I have a problem with Mike seeing me naked in all my glory too, but he honestly doesn't care. He tells me every single day that I'm hot and that he needs to have sex "right now".

I'm not big on lingerie either but b/c of my boobs, not anything else. What I bought for our honeymoon was a really cute silk boy-short and tank top. I felt comfortable, my booty looked great and I didn't feel self conscious in it at all. My bathingsuit was more revealing and I felt great in that too (the little boy shorts that make your booty pop!) Try on a few different things to see what YOU love and then you'll feel more sexy and confident in front of your man.

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I am so glad I read this thread! I have the same "problem" with being naked. Everyone's advice was great and I might just try it tonight

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I have stretch marks on my boobs and my hips - I dont mind them so much now because I have realised that pretty much every women I know has them and guys probably dont even notice them until we point them out!

I have definitely become more confident within my skin the older I have got, and if you lose weight like I just have it makes you feel even better because for years I was carrying around the extra bit of weight and had always put off losing it and the longer you procrastinate about it the harder it is to tackle!

If you really want to lose the weight, put your mind to it and do it - Jayme I dont think you need to lose any weight by any stretch (excuse the pun) but if you want to do it for yourself then do it!!!! And then once you have done it you will wonder why you put it off for so long (well I did anyway!)

I've finally managed to go from being a UK size 12 (US 8) most my life down to a UK size 10/8 (US 6/4) and I feel great!!!

P.S when Dave tells you he thinks you are sexy and beautiful believe him!

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I've had the same issue with my body over the years J. I think in my case it's got a lot to do with being with Mo since I was 16. I do not have the body of a sixteen year old anymore! I've got stacks of stretch marks too even though I've never been pregnant, but mine were mainly caused by the steroids I took for my Crohn's disease...

What works for me works in all the areas of my life, not just in the bedroom. It's faking it. No one else can see what is going on inside your head. If you can hold yourself up and stand as though you are proud of yourself you'll be at least 10 steps closer to feeling it for real!

If you can walk into the room and show that you're not ashamed of your body it really won't take as long to truly feel that way.

(it's all to do with neuro-linguistic programming but the short explanation is "fake it till you feel it".)

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Originally Posted by 555Ann555
If you can walk into the room and show that you're not ashamed of your body it really won't take as long to truly feel that way.

(it's all to do with neuro-linguistic programming but the short explanation is "fake it till you feel it".)
Thats awesome...I'm gonna do it...

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I know it sounds like nonsence but it really has worked wonders for my confidence! Can't hurt to try!

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That right!!!

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One of the best things I do for myself is by pretty underthings and were them under street clothes. No one knows they are there but they are a HUGE confidence booster for me... and confidence is what gets you noticed and complimented.

I guarantee I'm bigger than you and I come home and share stories with Dh about getting hit on at least 2x a month. Faking the confidence until you believe in yourself is great advice!!!

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your hubby loves you no matter how thin or fat you are... no need to be so self-conscious. hooray for kickin the habit.

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It will be hard to kick, but I have deffiantly decided to give it a try!!!