Question
That's what makes this such a special place to come to. I have been following this thread with great interest and appreciate all the points of view here, especially yours, concerned hubby, and yours, Rose. The postings on this thread by Rose and her comments on other threads on this board have been informative and provocative and always get me to really think about my own decision on BA. I have a surgery date coming up of April 7th. and I can also say that the comments of 'concerned hubby' also have helped me to see things from my own husband's point of view. Rose and Concerned Hubby BOTH have very valid concerns and points of view, and I am offended that anyone should be asked not to post here....just because there is a disagreement in point of view and experience doesn't mean we can't learn from each other and then go on to make our own decisions in our own lives. This thread really summerizes alot of the concerns that I am going through right now.....my husband also has a similar point of view about the surgery money being better spent elsewhere and he feels the weight of responsbility as the major breadwinner in our family. I work and bring in a good salary too, but not as much as he does. It is hard to be put in a poisition of being beholden to someone you love and bound by their decisions just because they make more money than you do. Conerned Hubby's wife may be a 'stay at home' Mom, but she likely works her tail off being the one with responsibilities at home and bringing the family's schedule all together smoothly. Concerned Hubby has some very real concerns that I share as I contemplate my own upcoming surgery....at this point everything is http://www.makemeheal.com/pictures/viewAlbum.php?albumid=293.
password is gummybears


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I'm not going to bash but give my opinion. I did agree with Rose and was very offended by your first posting. Everything you asked had to do with aesthetics and then you mentioned money and health after Rose gave her opinion.
I know you are trying to control the issue because her job is confined to the home meeting yours and your kids wants and needs but what if she was in the workforce? I have a feeling you would still post this or else you would have mentioned money in the first place.


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I have silicone implants and all my Dr's are surprised to find I have implants..that is how natural they look. I know the Pam Anderson look and abhor it myself..that specifice look, though , appeals to to some men and women. Somehow I don't think that is what your wife has in mind. I suspect she just wants to be restored to her former glory.
My first implants were 32 yrs ago...a few months before I married my DH. When it became necessary to replace them in Sept 2004 I knew the money could be spent elsewhere but it always can, can't it? There comes a time when the wife's needs should take presidence over "other needs" as long as these needs are not urgent. A stay-at -home wife is a lot harder then many realize. I have been on both ends of the work force:) My husbands income is mine and mine is his...While he makes the final decision we discuss the major purchases together and he takes into consideration my thoughts on the matter. That alone makes me appreciate his "headship".
I had the opportunity to "upgrade" my size from a small B for my redo. My husband was very unsure.....I also consulted for having the hereditary fat pockets removed from my shape...something I had since my teens. I had maintained my weight and overall shape in spite of having 4 daughters but through the normal aging process it was harder to accept how I felt when I looked in the mirror. A size 12 pants needed but my waist was so much smaller that thre were several inches of a gap at the waist.... I could hear the wheels turning in my husbands head...adding $$ signs....BIG $$ signs. ..yes, he went with me on my consults.
I really thought he would say it was not the time for anything but the BA redo. I recalled to him how I felt before marriage..unable to fit into clothes because I was very flat chested..padded bras..ill fitting clothes..and I told him it was the best thing I had ever done at 20..to proportion my body to fit...and I only went to a B cup then ...but my proportions were balanced. I NEVER rippled or felt rippling. I never developed any illness from implants though I followed all the research in detail for years. ( I have retired from 30 yrs in the med profession).
I mentioned to my hubby that HE benefited greatly from my BA at 20..my self confidence in my apprearance, etc made ME a happier person...and that I felt , after 30 years of marriage, that a 50,000 mile "tune-up" was something I had earned and would benefit him greatly as well..because I would not feel so ugly in pants, I would not spend an inordinant time trying to camoflauge my shape. I had even given up swimming because getting into a bathing suit was too PAINFUL when I looked in the mirror. HE said if felt this was what I really wanted that the final decision was totally mine. He wrote the the check...I can tell you he got his money's worth and more (g) He has an extremely happy wife who spends a lot less time hiding and camoflaging her shape. One of the main keys to a happy home is a happy wife;) My husband was smart enough to know what was best for us .
http://www.makemeheal.com/pictures/viewAlbum.php?albumid=2
Miki


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The questions about the risk or lack there of are readily available, the information or opinions on how “real” is “real” is not readily available that was the reason for those question as apposed to the health questions.
My reason for mentioning the costs were to point out that this is NOT just her choice, it does NOT affect only her as rose seems to think.
The costs were an issue with me prior to her post but one that my wife and I have already discussed and didn’t need answers on so I felt no point in addressing the money issue in the first post.
Again the aesthetic questions were raised because feeling them sitting on the desk is; I’m sure, different than feeling them under http://www.implantinfo.com/ . There are some stories about what men have to say about implants. It's a good read and you'll probably identify with some of the stories. Good luck.BA Jan 11/06
Mentor Smooth Round Saline partial unders
300 cc filled to 325 cc
32A to 32D


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Never met a man or knew a man who was opposed to implants. My BF mauled me the day of surgery when he got home to see them. Whats the #1 question in his mind, No not how do you feel, or was surgery ok. "When can I touch them, When can we play" I told him when I feel better, 10 minutes later there he was, "do you feel better yet".


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Concerned hubby,
How does your wife feel about posting your concerns on the subject of BA? Kinda curious if she would like to post her feelings as well. Getting her imput as well as your own might help everyone here on the site understand your true underlying feelings.
Have you taken the time to looked at some of the wonderful tah tahs in the http://www.makemeheal.com/pictures/viewAlbum.php?albumid=293.
password is gummybears


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My husband had the same concerns as you and they are validated. He was worried that they would be too big (he doesn't care for extremely large breasts), that they would feel too firm and not feel real. I am now 10 weeks post op and he loves them. At first right after my BA he wasn't thrilled because it was something different and took him a couple of weeks to get used to them. To answer your questions here we go ...
I don't feel my implants but I am not sure if it is because it is still early after my surgery or not. At this time I am not showing any signs of rippling either but again this could be because it is still early. I have saline implants but I have heard and read that silicone feel more real and soft than saline but not sure because I don't have a personal experience with that. Mine feel very soft and very much like a breast with no implant. My nipple sensation has not been lost at all and in fact has been enhanced. It really depends on the person and the individual surgery of whether she will lose nipple sensitivity and things of that nature.
I think it is great to be concerned but try to be supportive as well which I know you are. Take care ...


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The only real answer here is you need to go to all consults and be as much part of this as she has to be, expect for surgery. Support is what will help you both through this and understanding.


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I hope you come back to read the replies that have been left since you said you would not be back.
My husband and I have similar concerns to yours.
I want my breasts to look natural and feel natural. I don't want Pam Anderson boobs, I just want the boobs I used to have prior to kids and nursing.
I worry about the cost. I'm a SAHM and the money we would potentially use for a BA could go towards many other things.
I worry about the feel. I don't want rock hard boobs with no give or "squishiness." I want them to feel as if they were the real thing.
I worry about potential complications or error on the PS's part. Would I end up worse off than I am now?
My hubby loves me just as I am, does not see a real need for any surgery. But he also understands my feelings about how I look. It's a fine line of understanding for both of us.
In order for any surgery to take place, we both will have to agree on what is done. It may be my body, my choice, but he is my partner and he should be able to express how he feels about something that has the potential to xhange many aspects of our relationship. This isn't to say that he has control or that he is controlling. Quite the opposite. He wants me to be happy, regardless of what we end up doing. He doesn't want either of us to regret the surgery. I respect and love him and am open to his input on this subject.
He is supportive of my interest in a BA. We both have been doing quite a bit of research on types of BA's, size, PS's, possible complications, etc. We've looked at thousands of before and after photos. Were horrified at some of the ones that went wrong, laughed at some who looked, to us, absolutely "overdone." We "oohed" and "ahed" over the ones that looked good and bookmarked those for possible future reference. Window shopping, I suppose.
I'm going to do the rice test for a few days and see how that goes. Also thinking of going to a local specialty bra shop that custom makes bras as well as selling prosthesis for women who have unergone /mmh/product/mastectomy/index.vm?procid=33" target=_blank>mastectomys to get an idea of sizes etc.
I think you are right in voicing your concerns. I do believe you AND your wife have to be in agreement otherwise bitterness and anger could arise. I kind of view it along the lines of making a major household purchase without both partners discussing it. I would no more go out and buy a car or other high price item without talking it over with my husband than I would get the surgery done without his support.
Breasts that look nice, feel nice, enhance a woman's self esteem are great. But it should not come at the price of your relationship.
Just two cents from a lurker who registered just to respond to your post. LOL Good luck!
Janis