Question
My husband has been very good for the past month or so about not making mean comments about my BA, but just the past couple days he has been getting mad at me for considering posting my pics on this website. I explained to him that this website is just women that have either gone through or are going through what I am. I even told him that I'm using a password to protect my profile, but he still is angry. He doesn't think there is any reason that I should post my pics for others to see. He is resorting back to the "just trying to get attention" mindset. What should I do? I don't want him treating me like that again, or to be insecure again. I thought he was over it after we had our serious discussion. I need help.
Toni22


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Hi Toni, I certainly don't have all the answers, but wanted to offer my support. I too have had rough time husband wise lately. I don't know if your issues began before your BA or developed just since you had it done, but the same principles apply, re your right to be treated with respect and caring in your primary relationship. I urge you to find some balance re keeping the lines of communication open and trying to find out what exactly his issues are, and yet also find a way to honor what you feel is the right thing to do. I know these are sensitive issues and I wish you the very best of luck, Sincerely, MaajidaMy husband has been very good for the past month or so about not making mean comments about my BA, but just the past couple days he has been getting mad at me for considering posting my pics on this website. I explained to him that this website is just women that have either gone through or are going through what I am. I even told him that I'm using a password to protect my profile, but he still is angry. He doesn't think there is any reason that I should post my pics for others to see. He is resorting back to the "just trying to get attention" mindset. What should I do? I don't want him treating me like that again, or to be insecure again. I thought he was over it after we had our serious discussion. I need help.
Toni22


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Thank you Maajida,
I haven't actually got my BA done yet and that's why I'm sooo worried . I felt like we had made progress after I had a serious discussion with him about my upcoming surgery, but now I don't know what to think. The whole thing started because I took some before pics of myself to keep on my personal file. He got mad and said that there was no reason I should be posting those pics. I told him that I hadn't yet but I was considering it. Then he went off on how I was just trying to get attention and all that stuff. I told him that if I wanted attention then all my family and friends would know about it, but that can't be true because the only people that really know about it are people he has told. I'm not trying to hide it but I don't want certain people knowing about it yet. He's so stubborn and hard headed. I want to know how to get him to understand what I'm going through. He knows that I've wanted a BA since before we even met, and I have always been adoment about it.
Thank you so much for your support Maajida . I really appreciate it.
Toni22


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This is a tough one because I think most men view BA differently than women. Taking before pics is VERY important. You'll want to keep a record of how you looked before your surgery. Also, I think posting your pics is a great way to get support and advice, and it's not at all that you are desperate for attention. It sounds like your husband is feeling a lot of insecurity about your wanting BA. Why does it bother him so much if people see your pics? And even if you got attention, why does it really matter? I think it is important to get the support you need from this forum, because many of us have gone through BA and can help you through the process. It sounds like you will have to talk again with your husband and get down to the real issues. Take good care.BA Jan 11/06
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Answer
Hello,
I am having issues too. Men just don't think like we do. They will never understand and will just about disagree with you about everything. They just don't understand your feelings or reasons. I am a pretty open minded girl and I don't get jealous that much, I only ask my husband not to talk BS to other women. Like friendly chatting talk. Keep it short and sweet. He does not understanc this, I am the one wrong. Let me tell you he had his issues bout my BA too. I don't BS with other men.
Sorry to get caught up in my feelings. You are not alone....


Answer
Hello,
HI - I REALLY APPRECIATE THE SHARING OF YOUR EXPERIENCE. I TOO HAD AN ALTERCATION WITH MY DH OVER FAMILY ISSUES LAST NIGHT, NOT ABOUT MY UPCOMING BA, BUT I WAS JUST SO STRUCK AND DEVASTATED AT HIS TOTAL INABILITY TO EVEN SEE MY POINT OF VIEW, LET ALONE AGREE WITH IT. SOMETIMES I REALLY DO THINK THEY COME FROM ANOTHER PLANET. THANKS, MAAJIDAI am having issues too. Men just don't think like we do. They will never understand and will just about disagree with you about everything. They just don't understand your feelings or reasons. I am a pretty open minded girl and I don't get jealous that much, I only ask my husband not to talk BS to other women. Like friendly chatting talk. Keep it short and sweet. He does not understanc this, I am the one wrong. Let me tell you he had his issues bout my BA too. I don't BS with other men.
Sorry to get caught up in my feelings. You are not alone....


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THEY COME FROM ANOTHER PLANET You just said it all right there. He hurts my feelings and won't even listen, let alone understand! It is hard......


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I think what is needed is some counselling for these guys to help them with their insecurity. I would offer support there but don't get sucked into letting their problem interfere with what you want. Funny thing is, they are falling into the trap of thinking everything women do is for men (which is wrong of course) and are making themselves miserable because of that misunderstanding. Most of us do not base our opinion of ourselves on what others think, it comes from how we feel in our own http://www.makemeheal.com/pictures/viewAlbum.php?albumid=293.
password is gummybears


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Thanks Dessie, scloveu2, Maajida, and rosefidd
I really do appreciate all of your support with this. I think you are all right about men coming from different planets. I agree with rosefidd about feeling good about ourselves before we even believe any praises and compliments our husbands give us. Whenever my husband does compliment me, I always think there is an alterior motive, like he wants something . I never think he is actually telling the truth. If you met my husband though, he has the mind of a salesman. He can get you to believe almost anything. That's just how he is . I'm hoping that we can work this stuff out because this is really upsetting me. I'm actually crossing my fingers that he'll at least realize my point of view after I get my BA. Hopefully he see that I'm not out there to impress anyone. We'll see I guess. I have a month to go and I hope I survive.


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Sometimes you have to pick which battle you want to win. My hb was there all the way when I told him I wanted a BA but I know he would have a fit if I told him I was going to put my pics on line. I know it is silly for him to think that, but it's not worth it if it really upsets him. Just my two thoughts.
Debi


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OMG! you are in the same situation i was in with my boyfriend/not husband. The first procedure i had was a TT and he just about died because of it.... his remarks were.... I'm only trying to get attention, i shouldn't be doing this because he likes me just the way i am and thats all that should matter, oh and i shouldnt have surgery that is not needed.
needless to say, we are no longer together anymore.. before we split up he promised me that if i had any more surgeries he would leave me. oh well, i left him before he could leave me oh yeah, and i just got a BA and i told him about it too. hahahahahah
I LOVE LIFEwww.picturetrail.com/jamiemoa1


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My, my, the precious men in our lives can certainly be a challenge sometimes, huh?
I have two little anecdotes to add: my ex husband left me two years ago for another woman. Looking back I can see that I was depressed, had let myself go, had not practiced law for about 6 years raising kids, and had no self-esteem to do anything other than sit in my house. Well, I realized I needed to make some changes, and I did...lost 80 lbs, went back to work (cried there and back every day for 4 months...so fearful I'd get fired), and just re-emerged from my shell. I looked fabulous, but had alot of skin...so I had a TT in 2004, and a /mmh/product/breastreduction/index.vm?procid=3" target=_blank>/mmh/product/breastreduction/index.vm?procid=3" target=_blank>/mmh/product/breastreduction/index.vm?procid=3" target=_blank>/mmh/product/breastreduction/index.vm?procid=3" target=_blank>breast reduction/lift and brachioplasty, as well as /mmh/product/liposuction/index.vm?procid=9" target=_blank>lipo, two weeks ago. Now at 41, I have never looked better. But the funny thing is, had I stayed married, he would NEVER have allowed the plastic surgery...for money reasons. As a single woman, I can do whatever I want!! (PS...I recently had to go to his new office to pick something up, and he was at a table with three other men.
When I was leaving, I heard one of the guys say to him: THAT's your ex-wife??? Man, what did you do to screw that up???"
Anecdote number 2: I am currently seeing someone. He was very supportive about the surgeries. I didnt want to tell anyone about the most recent suregry, other than breast reduction. The other stuff was my business, I thought. To be honest, I was afraid I'd get a reputation as a plastic surgery addict!!! Anyway, I was comfortable telling people about the reduction. But the lipo, etc, was hush-hush. Well, come to find out my sweet boyfriend MArk told everyone I had LIPOSUCTION. He said he just couldnt admit to his friends that I'd had a reduction...to men, going smaller just doesnt make sense!!!! So, now the whole world knows about my lipo. Men. Gotta love them.


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Debi,
I think you are right about picking the battles, although that is hard for me to do since both me and my husband are stubborn as hell and neither of us give up very easily. I should probably talk to him and open him up so he can feel comfortable with it. I actually already thought I did that, but I guess the posting is a whole other situation. Even though I was excited to post because I wanted feedback from people who know what I'm going through, maybe it isn't worth it if it causes more trouble between my husband and me . I guess I'll have to talk to him again and see how it goes. Thanks.
Toni22


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Virginia,
I bet that felt great for you to see your ex and make him regret he isn't with you . Did you tell your new guy about that? He probably laughed his butt off if you did.
I don't think that the surgeries you've had would clasify you as an addict, but I know what you mean about people being judgmental about it. My husband says I'm an addict when I haven't done anything yet and all I want done is a BA. I think he is insane if he thinks that classifies me as an addict.
Were you mad at your bf when he told everyone about your lipo? It's true that guys don't truly understand that some women feel better about themselves after getting reductions . Women don't understand men and men don't understand women . I guess that's just life. I need to figure out my husband though. I don't want anymore problems just because I'm getting a BA. It affects my kids when we argure about that stuff and I don't want my kids to have to go through that. Thanks.
Toni22