Question
I have a freind who turns 27, her birthday is 1 day after mine. We have been freinds since kindergarden we know everything about eachother. Today she came in my office balling and all upset. Once I got why she was so upset out of her I didnt know what to say, I thought maybe you all could me offer her advice or words of assurement. She's never had a BF, she's been on dates of course but nothing ever turns out. There this one guy who really knows how to upset her sometimes. They've been sleeping each other for about 4 years now and all she asks is that when he has a GF to not call her, she wont due this if hes got a GF. I guess last night she went over his house and while they were in to things he asked her when the last she had sex was...well it was him (they hadnt been together for about 2 months). Then he asked if she had a BF and she said no...she asked the same question and he said yes, well not currently. I take that as he has one, I dont know. Shes freaking out over turning 27 and not ever been in a serious relationship, she fears she'll be alone forever..its her biggest fear. I asked her why she sees this guy and she does this cause she gets the intamicy and someone touching and kissing her, sh just so lonely. This guy always is so affectionate to her and tells her he misses her and that its always geat to see her. I dont know what to say to her, I tell her she has so much to offer a man but she doesnt beleive it, she tells me that is that were the case she would be with a man that cherished her. She doesnt sleep around and has morals but is so depressed over this. What adive can I give her....what does this whole sound like to you being tht you heard it for the 1st time.[url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/]
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Did you say that she doesnt mind him having a girlfriend. I think that is what woudl thrrow a guy off. He probable thinks she is not looking for commitment if she says its ok for him to be with other girls as long as he calls her. I did not go back to re read but correct me if Im wrong. Most guys are in commited relationships because of female putting them there. Thats my initial thoughts on what your said. Maybe encourage her to expect more commitment from him.
Tata


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Did you say that she doesnt mind him having a girlfriend. I think that is what woudl thrrow a guy off. He probable thinks she is not looking for commitment if she says its ok for him to be with other girls as long as he calls her. I did not go back to re read but correct me if Im wrong. Most guys are in commited relationships because of female putting them there. Thats my initial thoughts on what your said. Maybe encourage her to expect more commitment from him.
Tata
No she does mind, if has one she asks him not to call her but he does. I never thought of this: expect more of a commitment, thanks. I know she does like him and he always tells her that who ever she is with is lucky man....[url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/]
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Woohoo good advice TATA...
Lezza Lezza
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Myst--I honestly think that he's just coming around for a booty call. No matter how sweet he may be at the time, it's simply a booty call!!!
She needs to drop this guy, or at least, get the sex out of the http://www.makemeheal.com/pictures/viewAlbum.php?albumid=1589
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This is what I thought but when I had a booty call that was it, I didnt even let him kiss me. Kissing is more intimate to me than sex. This is why I didnt jump on the "its a booty call". I read your responses to her and although it hurt more she knew its true and realized that he is bringing her down. She had a more busy lkife than me and its hard to meet people so I told her to try the online thing, theres no shame in that.
I told her that she knows this guy cheats on his GF's why woud she want to be in a relationship were the trust is broken..I couldnt hadnle the thought. I appreciate all your honesty![url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/]
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You are a good friend to be there for her and try to help Mysty.
Not to sound like a prude, because in my younger days I was pretty wild, but what I have learned over the years is there really is no such thing as "casual" sex, it seems like someone always ends up being hurt, here is a good illustration of that. I have raised my kids pretty strict that way too - the boys and the girls primarily because of this reason and also the health aspects too of course.
This qualifies as casual sex at least to him obviously. I am wondering is if they have been sleeping together over a 4 year period and he is telling her all these wonderful things then why isn't *she* the gf? Haven't they ever discussed just what their relationship is? There seems to be some kind of arrangement between the two of them, that they are not a "couple" but more like some sort of buddies. I could be way off here but it seems like she would like a more committed relationship with this guy but has not made her wishes clear for fear of http://www.picturetrail.com/dirtrider2
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I have the same situation going on and off. I sometimes see this guy who tells me how much he misses me and cares about me blah blah blah. but wont comite to me. Of course he says he will but never does. And doesnt come around when he meets someone. Guys like this are not worth the time. I havent seen mine for about 2 months now but still get calls but just dont answer them. I truely think guys like this arent going to commit. They may care but why get to involved when you can do what you want with who you want and no one to answer to. I have been in her situation and have cried over and over again over this guy. Her best bet is to move on and find someone who is really into her. I hung in there for 1.5 yrs with this guy. Not really seeing anyone else and also there when he would call. Sadly this is not the way to be. Yes the closeness at the time is great but once the high is over then it just plain sucks because either way you look at it they are using the person for their own satisfaction.http://www.makemeheal.com/pictures/viewAlbum.php?albumid=877
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"she does this cause she gets the intamicy and someone touching and kissing her, sh just so lonely."
She is "looking for love in all the wrong places" She does not respect herself and the guy knows it. Suggest volunteering, even working for Habitat, etc..animal shelter..it will give her a sense of sel worth she needs
She is giving away something that is precious and it is not just sex..it is her self respect.
I would encourage her to have a platonic relationship with this guy if nothign else.
Does she have things that she can improve on that can boost her moral..such as..a good salon day for a make-over..good hair-cut, etc as a start?Miki
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Last night we stayed up talking! I'll see if this saturday she wants to go get her hair done and have a day of beauty! That always makes me great. I also told her that maybe some counseling will help her realize her that this isnt how things are and she is worth allot more to someone, help her find her good qualitys and thirive from there.[url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/]
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I truely hope she gets her self out of the situation. I know how hard that kind of thing can be. Maybe the counceling would be a good idea. Low self esteem is a real issue with me also makes us make bad choices for ourselveshttp://www.makemeheal.com/pictures/viewAlbum.php?albumid=877
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I have a freind who turns 27, her birthday is 1 day after mine. We have been freinds since kindergarden we know everything about eachother. Today she came in my office balling and all upset. Once I got why she was so upset out of her I didnt know what to say, I thought maybe you all could me offer her advice or words of assurement. She's never had a BF, she's been on dates of course but nothing ever turns out. There this one guy who really knows how to upset her sometimes. They've been sleeping each other for about 4 years now and all she asks is that when he has a GF to not call her, she wont due this if hes got a GF. I guess last night she went over his house and while they were in to things he asked her when the last she had sex was...well it was him (they hadnt been together for about 2 months). Then he asked if she had a BF and she said no...she asked the same question and he said yes, well not currently. I take that as he has one, I dont know. Shes freaking out over turning 27 and not ever been in a serious relationship, she fears she'll be alone forever..its her biggest fear. I asked her why she sees this guy and she does this cause she gets the intamicy and someone touching and kissing her, sh just so lonely. This guy always is so affectionate to her and tells her he misses her and that its always geat to see her. I dont know what to say to her, I tell her she has so much to offer a man but she doesnt beleive it, she tells me that is that were the case she would be with a man that cherished her. She doesnt sleep around and has morals but is so depressed over this. What adive can I give her....what does this whole sound like to you being tht you heard it for the 1st time.
Mysty, I could have wrote this about myself. I was even the same age! I saw a man, we were really good friends, talked on the phone, he was very affectionate to me while we were together at his place. This went on for a few years. We never offically "dated", when either of us dated other people we stopped sleeping with each other.
I have to tell you...this arrangement we had prevented me from getting out there and meeting and falling for someone who DID want to date and build a relationship. Even though I didn't think it prevented me and I did date, I wasn't able to give anyone I dated my "full attention" so to speak.
I really think, for her own self esteem, she needs to stop seeing this guy. I didn't think I could do it, but I'm so glad I did. I am very happy in my relationship now, we've been together 3 years now.Suzi


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I am so happy that things are going this way now - this self esteem thing is a huge problem for so many people, and I think if it is addressed so many other issues fall into proper place. Please keep us updated and give big hugs to your friend - some for you too for being a good friend too hon!
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I truely hope she gets her self out of the situation. I know how hard that kind of thing can be. Maybe the counceling would be a good idea. Low self esteem is a real issue with me also makes us make bad choices for ourselves
It messes with out head. I see a counselor for my weight obsession, had to throw out the scale...that was hard. She's making an appointment today to see one so I hope this helps her![url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/]
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