Question
I know that I am new to the boards, but as a male, feel like I have to put in my two cents. And tell you my story...

*ahem*

I am 33, and have been married to a *wonderful* woman for 5 years. When I was 5, I had a bilateral orchiopexy to fix some non-descending testicles. My father (a pediatrician) told me years later (I was 19, I think) that I was at a much greater risk for testicular cancer and sterility as a result. Not what a guy wants to hear. I deal with it for a while, and kept up with TSE's.

Then I met my future wife. When we got married, she was aware that that there was a chance that I was sterile. That was confirmed 2 years ago after a very painful testicular biopsy. I am the unfortunate victim of Sertoli Cell Only Syndrome (SCOS). Basically, I dont produce sperm.

Now, we are at the age where *all* of our friends are pregnant, parents, or pregnant parents. We went out to dinner with some friends last weekend, and "Jenny" told us that she was pregnant. It was unexpected. I got very quiet. They were the last couple we knew that did not have kids, and that is why we liked to go out with them. No arranging of sitters, no baseball games, no gymnastics classes. Very spontaneous.

Don't get me wrong... we are both VERY happy that all of our friends have happy healthy children. But when we came back from dinner, we both looked at each other and lost it. This was a totally unexpected reaction. I didn't know how emotional we both were about the fact that we couldnt have our own biological children.

We have talked about adoption for a couple years, off and on, but were never really serious about it. Now we are, but are confused... are we talking about adoption because we really want to, or is it because we want to "fit in" with out friends who all have children?

Any guys out there (or their wives) who can relate or gave any helpful advice?

Answer
Have you thought of using a sperm doner?

Answer
If you used a sperm donor, your wife would still be able to carry your child and you both can experience her carrying and birthing a child together. I wish you the best of luck.
cmarie

Answer
I hear ya on the whole age thing were all your closest friends are getting pregnant or getting pregnant with child number 2. It stinks big time but I know for us we just kinda have gotten over it but there is always those special circumstances were your like come on. I really feel for you guys I totally can relate. I am 26 and my husband is going to be 28 here pretty quick and its funny you said something cause just the other day my husband was really hurt that his friend that he is really close to did not invite us to his sons 2nd birthday and he did his other friend more obviously cause they to have kids but my husband I could tell was taken aback by this. I mean he knew why we weren't invited and it wasn't that his friend was being rude he just thought that we probably wouldn't enjoy it. But I think you get to an age were your just like man I really want that little person in my life in your case I am sure you would love to see your wife just coddling your little baby and all her little motherly instincts coming out. I want that for my husband I want to see him as the one being daddy you know. And I think based on your last question is it you who really wants a baby or do you want a baby to fit in. By the sounds of it and just by your actions coming on here and sharing your story with us, shows that you are ready to take that leap however you see fit. Look at it as an adventure and turn your tears of sadness into tears of joy when you look into YOUR babies eyes. Cause no matter the way you and your wife choose to have a baby I am sure you won't believe how much love you could actually give to another person. I wish you a lot of luck if this is something you want, do it what are you waiting for.

Answer
I want to make a comment about the sperm donor thing. I know that it might be something that is very difficult to think about and I know for me, it would be much easier to think about an egg donor than a sperm donor, just because I would feel bad for my husband but...I have a friend (male) that found out he was sterile, as well. He, like you, did not produce sperm. They did decide to use a sperm donor and IUI (inter-uterine insemination) to conceive a child. I asked him why they chose that route instead of adoption (as adoption would have been my first choice because it would not seem fair to me to have a biologically related child to me but not my husband). He told me that the reason they chose donor sperm is because then they would at least have medical history on her side for sure, as well as medical history for the donor. If anything would come up in the future, they would know the medical history whereas with adoption, there is a chance that you would have no idea about the baby's medical history. I know that this information would not stop me from adopting, but it did make me think twice about the situation. If I thought donor sperm would help MY situation, I would be having conversations with my husband and at least consider it as an option. However, our problems lie mostly with me, so that route would not be able to help us. Just something to think about. Thank you for posting your story, it's nice to get a man's perspective on things!!

I wish you the best of luck with whatever you might decide.

~ravae