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I agree,have a BIG hissy fit.I am on the other side of the fence,on your Mom's.I know how your Mom feels.I also know how you feel.I also was a CNA for 30yrs.....
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SnowyLynne
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I'm having some serious senior moments today. What is CNA?
Thank you
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hereubb/confused.gif
Thank you
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First I will respond to Yada Yada.....a CNA is a certified nursin assistant. That's it, nothing more and nothing less. My friend is actually a CNA at a nursing home nearby. She seems to enjoy her job for the most part.
Now for Sarah24. I know what you are feeling. When the tough get going people run and it seems that you are the only person left in this person's life. I have a best friend who has many many medical issues. She has a countless number of doctors and has had surgery three times in three years. She has a disc bulge in the l4/l5 level of her back, suffers from chronic pain, is losing the movement of her right leg, suffers from severe pelvic pain, and has recently been diagnosed with endometriosis. That is currently what she is suffering from, she has had other things that have happened to her but that's too long of a story so I'll leave it all out. I am one of her best friends and one of her only friends. She has lost many friends from having so many problems. Last summer when she went through endless tests and procedures I was always the one to call her and to check in on her to see how she was. The one who would wake up at five in the morning just to call her and wish her well before she left for the doctor. Her other friend, whom she has been friends with for twelve years now, took a vacation from their friendship. That left me to handle everything. Every time she needed someone to talk to, every time she was hit with another disappointment or something went wrong I was there. I visited, I called, I emailed, I sent cards. If I didn't do that, well that meant nobody was doing it. This girl is my friend and if things happen well, I have to be there. Just because things get tough and suddenly life isn't a cake walk anymore doesn't mean you should get up and run. Frustration comes along a lot. After my friend was recently diagnosed with endo. I knew things were going to get bad again. Just the other night she told me she was extremely depressed about it. Because i know her so well, I already sort of knew that. But the thing is, no matter what we are given there will always be those people in life who stick around and then those who will take off running. It takes a ton more courage and strength to stand by the person in need and to help them out than it does to run away and turn your back on someone. I've felt what you've felt, I feel what you feel. It's very frustrating and it's just makes you mad. At times you wonder what to do next because it seems that nothing is getting better and there is no one left to help you out. I still haven't really found anyone to help me out. I'm bascially the only one yet. My friend had surgery last week Thursday. I found out I was leaving town that coming Monday. I made it my priority to see her Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I felt bad leaving because I knew nobody else was around since I wasn't. Wished there would have been someone but there wasn't. I don't have much to offer other than i know what you feel. I'm here and will check the boards if you want to talk sometime. I wish you the best of luck with your situation and keep that chin up.
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*When you get knocked down...you get up again...stronger than ever.* -Jillian
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A big Thankyou to all those carers out there. You are a special sort of people I think should go up for sainthood.
I am away from my family and I have a handicaped brother I can not help with- he lives in his assisted care situation with provided care. My Mom used to care for him until she died from heart trouble but before she died my sister took care of her. She never complained and I did not know in fact my Mom was so bad she needed care (it was for a relatively short time) Now my father is in need of care with abusive dementia of some sort and my brother was to care for him but he has not been able to cope- so my sister has to fill in the shoes yet again.
I am in another country and so often it is said "aren't you lucky you live so far away"- I don't know about lucky, I know I feel bad.
Just hang in there your angel wings are waiting for you. I send all my love, Kate
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I know what all of you guys are going through, being the only ones to care for your elderly parents. Well, my parents are not yet elderly and don't need caring for yet, excpet for when my mom had her triple bypass surgery, but I have watched both of my parents get torn apart by unsupportive families and ungrateful parents. My mom and grandmother (her mom) cannot even speak to each other anymore without fighting, and she lives right downstairs from us, in a two-family house. My mom has given up trying to communicate with her, and the only way my mom can really find out what is going on with grandma's health is by talking to my uncle, who lives 2 hours away and sees grandma once or twice a month. Mom feels like she does everything she can and that is still not good enough. Mom can't even give grandma any medical advice anymore (which is a shame, because grandma was just diagnosed with breast cancer), because whatever mom says is taken the wrong way. I am the horrible granddaughter because I don't do things with grandma. Why would I want to be with her if all she does is badmouth my mother? I love my grandmother very much, and now I feel very guilty.
And on to dad's family.... My dad and my two aunts are the ones who are expected to do EVERYTHING for my grandmother, even though she has another son who lives in the same apartment as her (I won't even call him my uncle cause I hate him). My grandmother needed stamps, so my father had to travel an extra 20 minutes out of his way to bring them to her, when the other son who lives with her could have just taken her letters and mailed them for her from his office. But he wouldn't do it. Meanwhile, my father and aunts get treated like crap and they do everything for her, but the one who does nothing, he is the "golden boy" and gets treated accordingly. The perfect example is this. Read on: (can you believe she still treats him like a king after he did this to her?)
About 3 years ago she started having some back problems. One day she woke up, got out of bed, and collapsed. She could not get up, or even move. She yelled for her son and he came in to see what was the matter. I assume the conversation went something like this "oh, you fell. See you later, I have to go." He then went and called my mother at work so that she could call my father and he could come over and help her. My father couldn't leave work, so mom called my aunt, who jumped in the car with her husband and travelled about about 20-25 minutes and got there to find my grandmother alone, laying on the floor next to her bed, with a pot next to her which the ever so caring son had left in case she had to pee. So my aunts husband, who I will proudly call my uncle, a retired fireman who my grandmother absolutely despises, picked my grandmother up off of the floor and carried her out to the car (imagine how she was reeling at being carried by this man she hates) and they brought her to the hospital. She needed surgery, and was in the hospital for about 3 weeks, and a nursing home for about 3-4 months before she was able to go home. During that time, my dad and two aunts visited her almost every day, while her other son, the "golden boy" visited her only once. Through all of this, she still views my father and two aunts as well as the uncle who carried her out, as pieces of garbage, and her son who left her to rot, is a prince.
So I know how all of you guys feel about being fed up with your family members. But now I, as the granddaughter, am feeling guilty about not doing more to help with grandma that lives downstairs. And my family, including my mom, purposely makes me feel that way. I want to help, but I really just don't want to put up with the nonsense. I have more than enough of my own health problems to deal with, without having to deal with grandma's too. Anyway, good luck, and thanks for letting me gripe and complain.
[This message has been edited by purple2067 (edited 08-25-2002).]
