Question
I just started a job here two weeks ago after moving from Houston,
Even though the men I work with (all men - all construction) say I am doing well, when one little thing goes wrong, they feel it is necessary to rally around me and fix it.
I am the "CAD" (Computer Automated Design) person. When they get involved it takes twice as long and the "pshaw" and "HMFFF" language starts. I really like the job when I am left to my own devices and finish things.
This week my daughter had a baby in Houston and after it was born, we lost it an hour later. I was devastated I could not be there with her and cannot go until this weekend. If I get fired – I cannot go at all.
While I was working, I had bowed my head down a couple of times to say a prayer. My boss asked me if I was going to finish the job and I said yes, but he came over, sat down and kind of pushed me (not hard or anything) over and said he would read the numbers to me and I could input them. He is so unbelievable busy, this could only have put him in a terrible state of mind. He then asked another guy to stop HIS job, so HE could help me. This did not make his day, and I truly don’t blame him.
I could have finished this job in half or less the time, but the combination of their presence and tone encumbered me.
After the job was finished, I told everyone (individually) what had happened with my first and only grandchild.
They all reacted identically! Which was, uncomfortable, with a sort of grunt.
Today, which is Wednesday, I woke up with a splitting migraine. My roommate - who is an anesthesiologist, gave me trigger point injections that I have been prescribed. These injections are a miracle, I need them ver seldom. They are for neck spasms from a prior injury. More importantly, they always keep me productive long past an eight hour work day. But This time it was too late, the pain was out of control and I started vomiting.
I still got dressed – hose heels, makeup and all, with the unbelievable throbbing.
But I couldn’t do it.
I called in. My boss wasn’t in yet so I left a message. and then went back to sleep.
I just now woke up – I feel better, with the ghost hanging on. So of course, my next action is to be afraid of being fired when I go in tomorrow.
Not being there 2 weeks, all they can see is – a woman with emotional problems that needs to have her hand held.
I do not have emotional “problems” I did have ONE very sad “emotional crisis” which I continued to do my job during. But the Headache definitely stirred poison into the soup.
It is important to know my predecessor was there 6 years and I hear about him often,
Can someone out there tell me what I should do?
I have an unbelievable work history and have had my name on Designs such as the George Bush Library, The Methodist Hospital in Houston, University of Texas, Columbia, ***. Just to name a few.
But I am very weak when it comes to self preservation because I have lived in the south for so long and unfortunately, the south has a specific working order for this,
I thank you for any advice you can give me as to how I address this situation tomorrow.
Thank you
Dianne
Answer
Didn't see this one till I'd already replied. See my reply on your other post.
Answer
Hi,
First, I am very sorry about your loss; my condolences to your and your family. And before you read on for my "advice", I will say that NO MATTER WHAT, I would have taken the time go be with your daughter. Although jobs are not a dime-a-dozen any more, they can never replace family. I have had a family issue where I needed to take some Family Medical Leave, and whenmy boss grumbled a bit about it, I told him straight out that I love my job and was thankful for it, but my family comes first and he needed to deal with that or get a replacement. I am still here.
Okay, onto "advice": I work in an environment where the majority of my peers are male as well. Men react differently to things and events, and couple that with having a "roomful of men" working around one woman (you), I think it would be (for lack of a better word) normal for "the boyz" to act a bit uppity and impatient around you. I'm not saying it's right, I'm just saying that I have experienced this too.
Sometimes, attaining hardwon respect means you have to be extra-conscious of behaving in a way that says you demand and expect it. It's easier said than done, but stop wasting energy on worrying whether you will lose your job or not. Instead, put your focus on doing your job in your own style, to the best that you can.
There are many ways to attract attention to yourself, whether it's wanted or not. If you appear to others as insecure or worried, then you will most likely be treated not as a competent peer, but as someone who can be walked over or be pushed into hurrying up for the sake of others.
You have already stated that you have an oustanding past work history. Well, think about that the next time your boss or one of the other "boyz" wants to run roughshod over you. If your boss wants to take over part of your job or enlist someone else to assist you, let him. He's your boss, and bosses will do what they want.
Think of this as your "test" period. Can you hold your own with "the men"? You betcha.
I have always been one to face things, and I have learned even more in my current job. Keep your head up. Always maintain eye contact. Smile indulgently when a peer angers you. Maintain poise. Speak your mind in a tactful professional manner when the situation calls for it. It sounds like you are now surrounded by quite the testosterone-laden bunch! So, muster some of your own up and accept fact that you are probably just being challenged, unprofessional and unfair as that is.
I know that everyone who has a job is thankful and blessed during these rough times. However, remember, it IS just a job.
Do the best you can, and keep at it for as long as YOU desire to keep the job. It sounds like they are lucky to have you, and you all just need to find a niche that fits for everyone. Hold your head up!
Post back and let is know how things go for you.
[This message has been edited by Wowwweee (edited 08-06-2003).]
Answer
This is just a gut feeling, but I think the men in your office are probably feeling sorry for your loss. Generally men have been "trained" not to show emotion and keep "home" separate from "work". They would feel uncomfortable with your loss as they simply don't know how to respond! Another woman would surely have offered some words of comfort because women are comfortable with these sort of emotions. Don't assume that these men don't feel badly for you. In the same situation they are expected to "tough it out" and leave it at home and are possibly worse off for it.
I would just carry on. Your credentials speak for themselves and are impressive or you would not have been hired in the first place. There are always some hiccups when you begin a new job and in a short time this will all have been forgotten. They may even find it refreshing to have a female viewpoint and a little emotion in their office!
As far as the migraines go, such is life. When I am too late with my Imitrex and get to the point of vomiting the world stops in my dark bedroom and nothing else matters. So sorry, so sad, too bad, but nothing can be helped now. You had it, it's over, get back to work and show them what you're made of.
Early in my marriage I got up xmas am, did the Santa thing with the kids and made up the dish to take to the in-laws. Then, kaboom, it hit. I spent xmas day curled up on the bathroom floor while hubby took the kids to his Mom's. They thought I was a pansy. (they don't get migraines) I didn't care then and I don't care now. I think the men in the office will roll all of your circumstances up into one bundle and a few weeks from now all will be forgotten. I sure would like to know about these shots though! Your migraines sound like mine..pain starting at the base of the skull. What are the shots all about? You have your roomate...would I be able to *****ister them myself? I wouldn't be able to get to a hospital once a migraine has started, but my cousin is a nurse and lives down the street. I would like to discuss this with my doctor.
I would like to hear from any men. How would you have responded to this poster's emotional dilemma at work? Am I correct in that men would respond differently than women?
Finally, please accept my condolences on your loss. You must be heartbroken. Don't worry about work, there are laws now, they can't touch you and as I said before, in a few weeks it will all be forgotten and your expertise will overide and memory of these events..Take Care...Tagger
[This message has been edited by tagger (edited 08-07-2003).]
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FYI...instead of rewriting your post you can click on the "edit" at the top of your posting and simply fix up any typos etc...Tagger
